I’m sure some of my readers are curious to know where I’ve been and what I’ve been up to for the last 3 months or so. I didn’t drop off the face of the planet! I have a very valid reason for my absence, and it is time that I share with my readers what has been going on in my life.
Where do I begin! Because what has been going on in my life actually started a year ago and kind of morphed over time into something that needed to be addressed appropriately otherwise it would have gotten worse, much worse.
I guess I will start by saying that I needed time to work on myself. You see, for the past year my life has been an rollercoaster in all aspects of my life all because of a hurt that a very close family member caused me. This is not the first time that this person has wounded me. Remember back in December when I shared that my one word for 2016 would be healing? If you don’t remember that post, I understand, please just click here for a better understanding and to refresh your memory!
At the time of the My One Word for 2016 post I didn’t go into very much detail about the person who hurt me or even how they hurt me because……………………….well………………………it was just too painful to talk about. To be honest I thought that I could just deal with this all on my own, but this was just a pain too deep to deal with on my own.
The person that deeply wounded me is my own mother. She has made some poor decisions and choices that I could not accept because of my own beliefs and morals. So because of these choices that she made, I haven’t had a relationship with my mom in almost a year. I haven’t spoken to her, or seen her. In all of this time, she hasn’t even made any effort to reach out to me on her own because obviously she just doesn’t care. Even though it was my own decision to break the relationship with my mom, it was still difficult and it still hurt. Because of my own morals and beliefs I couldn’t just sit back and pretend everything was fine within our relationship since she was making these poor choices that is also considered repeat behavior all the way back to my childhood.
Ever since all of this has began it has caused me so much pain, so much hurt, and has impacted me spiritually, physically, and emotionally. For months I would just put on a brave face and pretend like everything was okay, that I was okay, but deep down I wasn’t, I was hurting. I was afraid to talk about this hurt because I knew that I would cry. I guess I thought that if I didn’t talk about it, that the pain would eventually go away, but it didn’t.
In May I ended up in the E.R. because I was just an emotional wreck. I couldn’t think clearly, and had problems functioning normally. The E.R. brought down a Psychiatrist to speak with me from the BHU (Behavioral Health Unit). After speaking with me, the Psychiatrist determined that I have anxiety and that it would be best for me to seek counseling so I could better deal with the drama that is going on in my life. So he made an appointment for me to see a counselor that afternoon. To be perfectly honest, at first I didn’t want to talk to a counselor because I just didn’t want all of these emotions that I was feeling to come to the surface. But seeing a counselor has been a big help towards healing. I can now talk about this subject without breaking into tears every single time I talk about it.
To be perfectly honest, when I was first diagnosed with anxiety, I was ashamed and I didn’t want to tell anyone. My anxiety got worse before it got better though. I ended up in the E.R. a couple of more times because of anxiety attacks. One E.R. doctor prescribed me some anxiety medication that I could take on an as needed basis. At one point I was having anxiety attacks almost on a daily basis causing me to just feel down right horrible. But my counselor has helped me pinpoint some coping skills that I can use to better deal with my anxiety attacks instead of relying on the medication all the time.
How have I been lately? I would say that I am doing very well actually. My anxiety attacks have lessened, I am nearly back to my normal self, and I can now function better. Yes, there are days that I still struggle. There are days that I still think about my mom and her poor choices, but I am learning through counseling that I cannot control or change what she is doing, the only thing I can do for her at this point is just pray for her.
Counseling has taught me so much about myself and is also helping me become a better person, a better me. As I am writing this, I have a smile on my face because I just feel that good. But I can’t give my counselor all the credit for my recovery process. I also have to give credit to my amazing support system (family & friends) that have been praying for me and have been there for me from the start. My husband has been my biggest support system. He has been there for me through thick and thin. He has been so very patient and supportive through all of this. And of course I also have to give credit to God. I have been spending more time with God and in His word and that has also been a big part of my healing process.
Because of what’s been going on in my life, that has brought some inspiration for some brand new things for The Kitchen Revival. My desire has always been to inspire my readers to “cook their way to better health” and that is still my desire. But I want The Kitchen Revival to be more than just about cooking healthy, because health is more than just about food. I want YOU, my lovely readers to be healthy in other areas too. So beginning in August The Kitchen Revival will be focusing on what I like to call 5 points of wellness which are:
Relationships (which will debut in January 2017)
In order for all of us to be healthy, we need to focus on all areas of our lives, and not just about the foods we are putting into our mouths. Since healing is my one word for 2016, I will be writing and sharing more about that too as well as what I have learned about anxiety and things I have done to help. I have learned so much over the past few months, and I have so much to share with my readers and I am looking forward to sharing it all with you!
This also means that I will consistently be posting 4 days a week:
Monday – Recipe
Tuesday – Health or Fitness
Thursday – Tastetrotting Across The Globe Recipe or another recipe
Remember back in April when I announced that The Kitchen Revival was going Paleo in the Whole30 Dinner Ideas Round Up? I recently decided that after several months that Paleo just wasn’t for me. But don’t worry, The Kitchen Revival is still Gluten Free & Dairy Free! I will also share some Paleo recipes every now and then.
Lets get back to talking about anxiety shall we? As stated earlier, I was ashamed when I was first diagnosed with anxiety, but there is nothing to be ashamed of! If you are struggling with anxiety please just know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and there is also healing.
Do you have anxiety? Let’s talk about it! Let’s put an end to the shame and fear that comes with anxiety. Share your thoughts in the comments section below! I would love to hear how others have healed and overcome their anxiety.